We all know the game of word association where we say one word and then say the next word that comes to mind. Such examples include: Sky-Blue, Golf-Boring and Brodeur-Average. But have we ever really subjected an entire sports team to this game? Today in what I hope to make a semi-often satirical series I give you the first edition of SUS Word Association. The subject of the very first edition will be none other than the Stanley Cup Finalists Detroit Red Wings.

Detroit- Shithole

Again the most crime infested city in the US, the fall of the automakers has sent this city spiraling downwards when it wasn’t doing good already. They have the highest population loss, sent their previous mayor to jail and is quite literally falling apart.

Babcock- Smug

Mike Babcock is a good coach, but there is something that irks me when he talks. Whenever he speaks there is a smugness about him that is laid on thick and annoys me and just about everyone else. Yes, you’re a good coach. Yes, your team is good. But I’m constantly reminded of the South Park episode where smugness became rampant and those people enjoyed smelling their own farts. I can only imagine Babcock is the same way off the rink.

Maltby- Whiner

My god does this man ever shut up? On the ice all he does is cry, cry, cry. He says he does it to get in the other players heads, but seeing as how yapping is all he does he is little different than a crying baby. Someone needs to get this man a sham-wow for his tears because a tissue just won’t do.

Samuelsson- No-talent-assclown

I cheated a bit there using the hyphens, but I don't think there is a single word for no talent assclown, which is exactly what Mikael Samuelsson is. Brief history of this player. He was traded from a Rangers team that used him as spare parts to the Penguins who were bottoming out. After failing to score even when paired with Mario Lemeiux (a feat harder than winning the cup) the Pens dealt him that offseason (about two months later) to the Florida Panthers, another bottom team, who a few years later cast him out. Basically three shit teams wanted nothing to do with him. He comes to Detroit, and looks half decent because of the team is good. He acts tough during the games, sucker punching people from behind, guys who never scrap mind you, while avidly avoiding guys who if challenged would beat him mercilessly as he cried like a schoolgirl. So in addition to having no talent, he is a guy who tries to act tough but in reality is as big a pansy as Tiger Woods.

Kronwall- Charge

Because that’s what his big hits are: charges. Yet somehow despite traveling half way across the ice to make a hit, then leaving his feet and throwing his elbows up while doing so the league won’t call him for a charge, despite this being the definition of the penalty.

Chelios- Douche

I’ve covered this a few times, man is just a major douche. He can’t retire soon enough.

Osgood- Overhyped

All last year we had to hear how good he was when all he had to do was not screw up. Luckily (and rightfully) he didn’t get the Conn Smythe trophy. This year he had one good round and two good games to start the finals and he was treated the same way and there is all kinds of talk of hall of famer. But focusing on this year, why isn’t it pointing out he was average for two series, and the past two games he has reverted back to the Osgood everyone knows? He’s played good in some games no doubt, but don't give him credit for games he isn’t good in.  

Rafalski-Invisible

Seriously, where has Brian Raflaski been these playoffs? Getting burned by Jordan Staal was really the first time he was mentioned.

Abdelkader-Applicator

It’s really the best nickname anyone can come up with. Plus he’s one of those lower line guys that the Pens always let themselves get crapped on by.

Franzen-Ass

His nickname is “The Mule.” What is a mule sometimes referred to as? An ass.

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