NFL Combine Harvester

The Combine is Here!

In 1835, Hiram Moore patented the world’s first combine harvester, capable of reaping, threshing, and winnowing cereal grain. The ol’ harvester was fifteen by seventeen feet of steel and required twenty horses to pull it across a field.

In 2019, D.K. Metcalf, a 6’3” and 228 pound wide receiver, ran forty yards in 4.33 seconds, jumped 40.5 inches in the air, and performed 27 reps on the bench press. The Ole Miss product has muscles of steel and can probably beat up at least twenty horses.

You may be wondering what Hiram Moore’s Combine Harvester has to do with D.K. Metcalf’s NFL Combine? Almost nothing. Basically nothing. Well, there’s a tiny connection. The combine harvester greatly increased the production of cereal grains in the United States, which led to mass market grain products like breakfast cereals in the next century. Of the many breakfast cereals on the market today, Wheaties is among the most iconic. It has a history of being associated with athletes who are fast. And, of course, D.K. Metcalf is an athlete who is fast.

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Okay. Now that our historical lesson is out of the way, we can get to segments. This week in our workout blog, I’m celebrating the greatest workout spectacle in major league sports: the NFL Combine. Since the League Office does not give out awards for its combine, we’ve decided to step in and hand out some virtual trophies. Someone give John Travolta the envelope…

Most Resembles a Marble Statue Award: D.K. Metcalf

Coming in at a dubiously low 1.6% body fat, Metcalf may be made of marble for all we know.

Happy to Beat You Up Award: Nick Bosa

He had a smile on his face no matter the drill (probably because he knows he can kick my ass).

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Big Body, Big Move Award: Quinnen Williams

At 300 pounds, Williams ran a 4.87 forty. Not bad. But can he outrun his own farts?

Size? Award: Kyler Murray

Does size matter? I don’t know. Neither does Kyler. We will find out on Draft Night. Until then…

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International Chest Day Champion: Iosua Opeta

The Weber State defensive lineman benched 225 pounds a grand total of 39 times. Jeez. Where is Weber State again?

Weird Flex, But Okay Award: David Long

Congratulations to the Michigan cornerback, who finished the 3 Cone Drill and the 20 Yard Shuttle faster than anyone else. I you think I’m supposed to be impressed by this, I am.

Dad Strength Award: Heath Evans

Heath is forty years old and lifts like a father of two.

Jumping Jack Award: Juan Thornhill

The Virginia Safety posted a 44 inch vertical and a 11’9” broad jump. If he’s not careful, he might get drafted by the New York Knicks.

Football was meant to be played in leather helmets and sweaters. Currently taking suggestions for which NHL team I should support.

Twitter: @IshFarooqui