New York, New York: Concrete Jungle Where Sports Dreams Get Crushed

It’s an absolute circus in the city.

Before I get into it, I’ll preface that I’ve grown up a die-hard Mets, Jets, and Knicks fan, and saying that isn’t a cry for pity. The opposite, in fact. Considering how abysmal that group of teams is, my sports life is purely based around sadness, disappointment, and unwarranted hope. And while I love my teams, I have to be brutally honest - they all SUCK. To make matters worse, the rest of NYC sports is putrid, too. The Giants, the Rangers, you name it. (Except for the Yankees, but we can forget about those beardless bozos in pinstripes.) The state of sports in NYC is an absolute shit show, and if you don’t believe me, let’s go case by case.

How about we start with the spectacle that is the New York Jets. For years, Gang Green has been a laughing stock in the NFL, but for the first time in what seems like forever, it finally looked like things were turning around. The front office finally made the decision to axe struggling head coach Todd Bowles and revitalize the sinking ship. Plus, GM Mike Maccagnan seemed to fix his flaws by drafting top defensive prospect Quinnen Williams, trading for All-Pro guard Kelechi Osemele, and utilized the money to sign top-tier free agents like Le’Veon Bell and C.J. Mosley to surround the young core of Sam Darnold and Jamal Adams. Things were looking alright for once at One Jets Drive. And what do they do next? They FIRE their general manager after his rehaul of the roster and replace him with psycho-eyes Adam Gase, who admittedly is now the center of one of the internet’s most hilarious memes. But this is the same man who was just FIRED from his job in Miami because he lost his connection with the team. And yet somehow, Gase won the power struggle in New York, effectively making them the laughing stock of the football world YET AGAIN.

Ok, but with two football teams in New York, one is bound to be good, right? Wrong! Believe it or not, the Giants may be more of a laughing stock than the Jets right now, and that takes some seriousdysfunction to pull off. First, the team refused to sign star safety Landon Collins to an extension this offseason, instead letting him walk right into the hands of the division rival Redskins. Then, after assuring Giants fans that, “We didn’t sign [Odell Bechkam Jr.] to trade him,” two-faced GM Dave Gettleman traded the All-Pro receiver to the Cleveland Browns for the #17 pick of this year’s draft.

Mind you, all of these moves to remove young win-now talent from the team comes after committing Eli Manning and his $10+ million cap charge to the roster, effectively confusing executives and fans alike about if they are looking to win with Eli or rebuild the team with a young core. It’s the most on-the-fence management we have seen in recent sports history, which was only further emphasized by replacing OBJ with aging 31-year-old receiver Golden Tate. Oh, and if you thought that was insane, it gets better. With the coveted 6th pick in the draft, the G-Men skipped over top prospect Dwayne Haskins and elected to take quarterback Daniel Jones from Duke. To be clear, they skipped over the second-best QB prospect in the draft to take a projected second-rounder at #6 overall. Get it? Me neither.

But we don’t have to worry about football right now because baseball is in full swing! Well, you may as well give up on that too, because the Mets are back to being the Mess. Already under .500 in May, the team has shown their true colors on how absolutely dysfunctional there are as an organization. Take Robinson Cano, for example. A 36-year-old veteran who was brought in to be one of the team’s best hitters and to mentor to the infielders. How do you think that turned out? In case you couldn’t guess, Cano has been dreadful at the plate, plays lackadaisical defense that got his teammate and rising star Michael Conforto concussed, and refuses to run out any ground ball he hits. And when he gets crucified by the media for not hustling, he injures his quad running to first. Wow.

But that’s not as bad as Yoenis Cespedes, who started this year on the injured list following surgery on both of his heels. Instead of rehabbing his ailment to rejoin the team later this year, he was riding his horse around his ranch and fell of the fucker, shattering his ankle to effectively miss all of this upcoming season and likely most of next. Clearly Yo took Lil Nas X too seriously and jeopardized his whole career because of it. And then, to make matters worse, the team just got swept by the Miami Marlins, the biggest joke of a team (or maybe second now to the Mets.) You know the last time the Marlins swept an MLB team? August. Of TWO THOUSAND AND SEVENTEEN. AUGUST 2017. I mean, holy shit, people. If all of New York was a circus, these guys would be the main act. The fire eater. The lion. Whatever musters up the most laughs, that’s the Mets.

And finally, how could we forget the Knicks? After finishing last season with the worst record in the entire NBA at 17-65 (yes, 65 losses in 82 games), the Knicks had the best odds of any team to land the #1 pick in this upcoming draft, which would be prized prospect Zion Williamson. And if they got that pick as many predicted they would, there was serious discussion of them trading it to the New Orleans Pelicans to land NBA superstar Anthony Davis. And you know what happened? They DIDN’T get it (shocker). But who did? THE FUCKING PELICANS. NOW THE KNICKS CAN’T GET ZION OR DAVIS. I have no words. And to make matters worse, after New York was viewed as a “lock” to land Kevin Durant this summer, it’s now been reported that the Los Angeles Clippers have emerged as equally likely candidates to sign the former MVP. The Clippers? Do I mean the Lakers? No, I mean the Clippers, one of the most hilariously unsuccessful and least liked organizations in basketball. Instead of coming to the Mecca and leading NYC to a championship, Kevin Durant may instead opt to join - that’s right - LA’s most forgotten franchise.

I can’t do this anymore. I know it’s been a bit of a hiatus since I wrote a fanalytics article, but this one is going to force me back for my own sanity. And I’d watch something, literally anything sports-related to get my mind off things, but that’d put me six feet under.

Purveyor of truth. Breaker of chains. Foolish fan of the Mets, Jets, and Knicks.